I just don't get it. How did my husband ever live without me? Now, I'm not being narcissistic at all, but here's just a basic conversation in my house.
Hubby- "Where's my shoe"
Me- "I dunno, did I wear it ?"
Hubby-" Well, I thought maybe you saw it".
Hubby-"Did you see it ?"
Me- "Don't you think if I saw it, I'd tell you were it is ?"
Hubby-"How old are these noodles and meatballs?"
Me-"Did we not have them for dinner last night ?"
Hubby-"Well, ya but how old does that make 'em, like 2 hours ?"
Me-"Ya, 2 hours".
Hubby-"Well, do you think I can eat them?"
Me-"Yup".
Hubby-" How long do I put them in the microwave for?" " Like 12 minutes?"
Me-" Yup, 12 minutes to reheat noodles".
Hubby-"Well, what then?"
Me-"No 12 minutes is fine , if you like them crispy".
Hubby-"Well, how long then?"
Hubby-"Have you seen the sauce"?
Me-" Ugghhhhh, have you?"
Hubby- "Well, where is it?'
Me-"How the fuck did you live without me"? " No for real?"
31 comments:
What else can you expect? Penises only have one eye and no ears.
They can only see half the shit they look at and they NEVER hear anything you say.
See my hub doesn't bother to answer to "wheres my shoe?!!?!" comments he knows eventually I'll stop mumbling and grumbling and find it.
As for the Microwave thing, YES! O.M.Gadz! They have no clue about it. I just tell me hubz just push 3, 3 times. He's done that for EVERYTHING, ever since.. lol
DID YOU SEE THE SAUCE OR NOT?!?!?
Jesus Christ...just answer the fucking question.
Women.
As the somewhat proud owner of a penis, I object to your implication that males are clueless. By the way, how long DO you leave noodles in the microwave? And how do you turn on the microwave? I never bought one because I couldn't figure those things out.
Hubby does better when he says "I put the clothes in the washer but I'll let you do the detergent, bleach and fabric softener since you're so much better at it than me."
Um....I'm feeling a little blond right now.
Ya know, we only have enough blood for our penis Or our brain. Never both at the same time. You already knew that, didn't you?
Sounds like we married the same man. Lets send them off to get help while we have a good time!
Hey, you know the only ideal marriage was that of Adam and Eve? Yeah, he didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
All men are created equally inadequate to fin for themselves.
If he can't find his shoes and use a microwave then I'm guessing that's his mothers fault for pampering him when he was growing up. Guess what, I bet you'll do the same if you have a son and 30 years on someone else will be moaning about you son.
Yup... sounds like my house too. "wheres my socks?" Wear they always are honey, either in your drawer, in the dryer, on the couch, on top of the or on the dresser.
I think all men should start their days with a scavenger hunt.
You're just makin this stuff up... ;P
"Penises think" is, I believe an oxymoron. Brains think; penises just react.
I do find it incredulous, however, that a mechanically-inclined male (that's a redundancy) cannot locate and depress the appropriate buttons on a microwave. Either you have bewitched and beguiled him, or you change microwaves so often that he cannot keep up with all the changes. (I believe Alvin Toffler called that "future shock.")
Trust me -- bears are very knowledgeable about these things. The only problem is that I'm just beginning to come out of hibernation, and I can't remember where I put my microwave last fall. So I'll ask you (kind lady): "Where's my microwave?"
this sounds like my life. haha
I really enjoyed this post and have to admit that I laughed out loud when thinking about having the same coversation with my wife.
All the comments were great too!
My husband's penis is fucking blind! He could not find his ass with his hands in his back pocket. "Rose, where are my binoculars?" "On the back of the bedroom door" "I can't find them." I walk in the bedroom and pull them off the back of the door. One of many. Jeez
have a good weekend....I am not a hubby...so brain hasn't gone to mush yet.
Aside from the microwave part, these conversations sound so familiar (I can push buttons at least).
I do think my wife does things just to screw with my head though...
Me: "Where's the mustard?"
Her: "Second shelf from the top in the refrigerator."
Me: (after searching a tiny shelf for 2 minutes) "It's not here."
Her: (walks over to said shelf, gets mustard that I *SWEAR* wasn't there just a second ago, hands it to me and gives me this look like I'm helpless)
I swear you women are good at slight of hand. You guys palm the mustard and make it look like it was there all the time! It's like you're all David Copperfield.
Men cannot survive without us. That's why women live longer.
Something's telling me that you wrote this in code so men couldn't understand it. For example, you used big words like 'microwave' and 'minutes.' Come on, seriously, don't you want men to understand all this? Just use words like 'good' and 'bad.' 'Penis' is a fine word. You can use that. Penis good.
The one word that sums this up is just simply...."MEN"
Hey!
Men have feelings too! They're just hidden behind all the thoughts of sex. Pretty deeply hidden actually. Hey the swimsuit issue is here! Gotta go.
Jeez, you feel we don't take you seriously by doing things for ourselves and you freak.
So we acknowledge that in some areas you are far superior and you complain.
CAN WE DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?
He's busy thinking man thoughts. He is focused due to years of genetics as the hunter/protector on watching out for sabre tooth tigers and stuff. While you look for the shoes, he is busy mentally protecting you from marauding Vikings.
@Da Old Man - excuses excuses! My parents are 63 and I whenever I am on the phone I hear dad asking a gazillion questions to my mother like you just wrote. Some men are just annoying as hell and never grow up and ask stupid questions. Love your title today! Although maybe you should have emphasized that they don't think.
I don't have a penis at the moment but I am raising one and I hate to admit it but we have the same conversations. I don't know what I did wrong but I really wanted to raise a boy who was actually useful. I'm sorry I have no one to blame it on. His dad is just as clueless about those things but he just doesn't spend enough time with him to make it his fault. My kid can reformat a hard drive, MOD anything but he can not make a cup of tea on his own and at 16 he still asks me to look at the pizza to see if it is done. Forgive me, I have failed.
Interesting convo
What is up with the Amatay guy's profile thing?
Your husband is inquisitive. I give him props and you are the wizard, full of answers!
holy shit i wonder the same thing about my husband all the time! and how the hell do i remember all this random crap like where his shoes are?
Ah, it's all a trick! Yes, we men got along just fine on our own, but we love to make our wives feel like we're clueless.
Why? Look at it this way. My mom nagged my dad for about a week about a squeaky door. He finally got a can of WD-40 and oiled the hell out of that door. He fixed it so well that it barely stayed open by itself. He was never asked to oil a door again.
See how that works? Got a task to do? Do it all wrong and you'll be off the hook the next time around.
Apply that to cooking, and you've got the same scenario playing out. Brilliant, no?
My first penis died years ago(no, I had nothing to do with it) and I've been the proud owner of my new one(though he is 47) for a year and a half. This is his first marriage and somehow kept himself alive for 44 years before we met. I wonder if the estrogen level in our house due to me and my two daughters has killed off millions of his brain cells.
Ame in TN
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