Why is it they hire the dumbest mother fuckers to handle dire situations ?
I was watching the most recent hostage situation on television, ( A very unfortunate event).
While this crazed man was in this building full of innocent people, they get out the " big guns" and had the negotiator on premises.
This very "intelligent" negotiator decided that he was gonna explain to the news station how one should act in such a situation.
1. "Do not run away from the hostage taker." ( No shit, unless you want to get shot in your back).
2. "Do not look the hostage taker in the eyes."( Excuse me mister, but what color eyes do you have, this way I can give an accurate description? )
3. " Do not ask the hostage taker what kind of weapon he has". ( You wanna see my weapon bitch ?)
4. " Do not ask the hostage taker why he is doing this." (The odds are he doesn't speak English anyway.)
5."Do not barter with the hostage taker". ( Excuse me but, I'll give you this here watch if you let me go .)
6. "Do not scream or yell". ( Ya, please don't, not only would the hostage taker want to whoop your ass but the other hostages will soon want to too.)
7. "Do not ask the hostage taker how much ammunition he has." ( No fucking shit huh ?)
Click Here for the Moms that I cant stand series..
What not to say to a terrorist....
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49 comments:
hmmm....your picture "I can has 72 virgins" is a bit offensive....why? Cuz first of all you need to understand true facts....not the crap CNN and FOX teach the stupid masses who fall for that crap but the TRUE FACTS. Second of all point number 4....."the odds are he doesn't speak English anyways" is one of the stupidest racist, a white girl stewing IGNORANT comments about the world around her things you hear. MOST of the doctors in the US, engineers, computer scientists are of Muslim origin. Last I checked you had to have a HIGH education for that...which if I'm correct requires one to speak English.
@Lemon - Your funny. Are you being ironic with the 'true facts' comment by going ahead and saying a few wrong things yourself. If so, very clever. If not, you look like an idiot. :)
Loving the cat picture ... haha ... made me giggle.
Lemon, calm down man. We are still going to know who you are when you take the next set of hostages. Oh that's right, you obviously speak English so that won't happen. "Most" of the Doctors are Muslim? Where do you live? The Middle East? You are an ass, getting irate over humor. Loved the kitty picture!
Lemon...it's a joke.
The entire post is supposed to be funny.(which it most definitely is)
I think you need a stiff drink. Maybe Vodka straight up on the rocks.
(It helps with all the cutesy creativity crap you're into...)
it's amazing hostages get away at all with that advice
Yeah, I don't think I could keep track of all that advice, being under stress and all and just trying not to pee all over myself. Maybe that should be #8. Do not ask for a box of Depends.
My advise is to carry your own firearm....then,, you're not only armed in case of a hostage situation...BUT.. If your
engineer, computer scientists , doctor doesn't speak ENGLISH WHILE HE LIVES IN AMERICA AND MAKES MONEY IN AMERICA.. WHERE WE SPEAK ENGLISH!!!!!!!!!!...
You are ready for that shit too...
But then what the fuck do I know.. I'm just plain ole WHITE TRASH.. (highly armed white trash.. but,,, still... white trash)
but ...my ass is covered in a hostage situation...
Now Queenie... we couldn't have that. If everyone was packing, who would the hostage takers pick on? Think about the hostage taker unemployment rates.
Yes, but going to other's blogs.. where people actually leave comments.. gives me plenty to blog about... while I'm cleaning my handgun..
After all, a dirty weapon is nastier than a dirty willie
I would guess that offering to pray with them is probably right out, too.
I think striking up a conversation about their weapon and ammunition could not only save your ass, but possibly be the beginnings of a genuine friendship.
Gawsh...I spewed my Diet Dr. Pepper at number four.
I thought it was hilarious!
You should've given politics a shot Dani! Clean this mess up!
#8 Don't ask the hostage taker 'Boxers or briefs'?
ROFL This is funny xD
I agree with Shawn. This could be a great distraction - mine is bigger, louder, deadlier. This conversation could go on for hours while the rest of the hostages escape.
Do NOT proposition the hostage taker for sex then threaten to bite.
I almost got circumsized again, but at least the jail sentence was light.
Don't waste your time with questions -- I don't think the cat understands English. Sure wouldn't give you much of a conversation, but might scratch your eyes out.
Wait !!!!
Lemon, where the fuck did I mention a Muslim once ?
See, it just goes to show that you shouldn't comment on other people's blogs if your sorry ass can't read English either..
lotsa love
--white trash--
These are amazingly accurate. I really hate when they ask me how much ammunition I have.
Lemon: Take heart my terrorist friend, I agree with you.
That picture sends the wrong message about terrorists.
I mean, really - the reward is 72 virgins?!
Christ - you got to teach them everything.
It's like going to summer school but with bad blowjobs and fingers in your ass without permission.
Wow! That lemon person really set it off on your blog! That's awesome, but I hope s/he (too lazy to check) never comes over to my spot. Anyway. Just wanted to drop by and see what you were up to today. Apparently you are causing quite a ruckus. Oh, and I knew you would like me, b/c I am AWESOME!
So I'm reading this and I'm stuck on wondering who they use to determine these, uhm, highly technical strategies.
Maybe with the unemployment rate so high they can get a lot more research done.
Job Seekers: We are looking for highly qualified persons to help ascertain best practice when dealing with hostage takers. Ability to take inane orders and handle stressful situations a must.
Do not taunt the gunman by asking.."Is that thing even loaded?"
You don't want him to prove you wrong!
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. Sorry, off for a second on my own tangent after The Hussy's comment. ;)
Actually, my most recent post was similarly making fun of bullying advice. Similar to hostage-taking, yet without (usually) the death and all. Luckily, I didn't have many mommy bloggers come over there (yet) and start saying the advice I was dispensing was wrong.
Only 72 virgins?
Dani C: I loved the picture. Everyone knows cats are terrorists. And I never talk to mine, for good measure.
My poor cat took such offense at your post, Mz. Trash. Please remove it immediately.
Ha!
The next time I'm held hostage....oh..you weren't talking about games in the bedroom were you?
;-)
Don't ask him if he wouldn't rather be at home eating a pork chop chased down with whiskey while watching porn. Oh hell. Nevermind, that's what I would do.
I wonder if asking for some spare change is another hostage no-no.
The LemonDrop Tree said...
hmmm....your picture "I can has 72 virgins" is a bit offensive....why? Cuz first of all you need to understand true facts....not the crap CNN and FOX teach the stupid masses who fall for that crap but the TRUE FACTS. Second of all point number 4....."the odds are he doesn't speak English anyways" is one of the stupidest racist, a white girl stewing IGNORANT comments about the world around her things you hear. MOST of the doctors in the US, engineers, computer scientists are of Muslim origin. Last I checked you had to have a HIGH education for that...which if I'm correct requires one to speak English.
Hi,, it's me.. The Queen..
I wanted to re-read it.. cause it makes me laugh.. and I don't want her coming here and trying to delete her masterpiece.. She loves all things cutsie.. I know.. I checked..
Oh good idea Queen !!!
That was funny! Only you can make hostage taking into a joke!
Did you sort your tampon probs out? x
This is why we no want no hostage taker!
we want the peace
we want to be normal
we want
we want!
we want!!!!
BUT NO Hostage TAKER
You take you hostage and GO
go you hostage taker.
You no tell me who you are
you go!
pffft. yeah like that's going to work.
One of the best ways to defuse a hostage situation is to point and laugh at the gun while saying, "Is that the biggest you could get? Ha ha." Usually, the hostage-taker will leave in shame.
Or is that a different kind of situation? I forget.
Whoa some peeps are taking things a bit seriously. I can attest that Dani is the hottest mama racists out there and if she means to offend then please give me more! Donate to her titty fund, who can be mad at her?
Is it ok to let the hostage taker(s) know that you are not a virgin? Just in case he was wondering...
oh goodness that is the best LOL cats I've ever seen
Dani - My cat Trixie can take that pussy terrorist cat (albeit funny) any day. She has a message for it on my blog.
72 virgins mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
knowing my luck they'd all be men.
Why are the virgins never male?
Okay seriously? you are freaking hilarious! You are so about to be a part of my daily blog roll!!
The Queen, don't worry, according to the news, they will take our right to bear arms away from us and then only the criminals will have the weapons... LOL.
But seriously, that guy giving the interview sounds like the Manager of the Cleveland Indians. "So, Eric, tell us how the Tribe will do this season." "Well, they need to run off the field, they need to catch the ball and they need to hit the ball." Wow, really???
There has been too much crazy stuff in the news these days. All these shootings and mass murders. Things are getting pretty bad out there. Let's hope it starts to improve soon...
Next blog...
"How to Avoid Being Taken Hostage"
#1. Don't go to the doctor! (at least not in Canada!)
Faity Tale Princess: I'm a Canadian, and I don't get the bit about "#1. Don't go to the doctor! (at least not in Canada!)"
I was at the doctor's -- in a hospital, even -- this morning, and wasn't in any danger of being taken hostage. I came and went as I pleased. I think someone's been filling your head with weird, phoney-baloney stuff about good health care. You should be so lucky to have something as good as Canadian health care in the U.S.
lmao you crack me the fuck up dani LOL~!~!@
Hopefully i don't get to see a terrorist besides in my sights when we drop warheads on foreheads in Iraq in July :P
Rob, I sincerely hope you were joking about the Canadian health care... Either that or someone may need to spend some time and better educate you. LOL.
Hi, "Constant Complainer." Actually, I'm 100 per cent serious. What would make you think I'm not?
The story I related earlier was "spot on." Do you seriously think I'm lying to you?
Sorry, Constant Complainer. I just realized that you're joking with me. Ha, ha, ha. You're a terrible tease!
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