Oh the pain...
If men only knew the preparation us woman have to go through to make our pussy's desirable.
No, not for YOU men, I mean for the gyno...
Yes, the pussy doctors..
You see, when we have to go for our annuals ..well that just means we have to prepare for it about a year a head of time...
Ok, so maybe not that long a head but a week at least.
Here is your easy step guide in preparing the pussy !!
Step one:
Take a shower approx one week before your appointment. Grab the scissors and a new razor cause baby you're hacking down the weeds !!!
Trim trim and trim the pussy, now don't shave it completely because the doc will just laugh at you...no, just hack it down to roughly the desired amount but please remember that you still have a weeks worth of growth before you go..
Why a week a head of time you ask ?
Simple, because if you do a bad hack job it can grow back..
Step Two:
NO, no , no, sex 2 days before your appointment..This way the gyno doesn't think you a fucking dirty whore and there's no spermies on your cervical slide..
Yes, this does mean that you're giving head for the next two days..
Step three:
Take a shower right before the appointment. Use your bestest shower gel that has the prettiest flower scent. This way you can say that your snatch really does smell like fucking flowers..
While in the shower, check your puss one last time for any hack job that you could have done prior.
Step four:
Go to the gyno and while waiting for the next hour, go to the ladies room and check your puss again. Just make sure the flower smell is still emitting from your vaginal orifice.
If not, than use your handy dandy wet wipe and scrub, scrub and scrub some more.
This should take care of it until you have to put your legs up in the air..
Hope I helped !!!
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21 comments:
Head for 2 days. Sounds just fine. :)
No wonder the gyno laughed at me all the time: I SHAVED!! Crap... well now I have this handy dandy list..I will follow it religiously..
But ya know, now that I think on it some more, this list could also be for getting ready for a long night of hot monkey sex!! Prepare, prepare, prepare!!
I'm still trying to get that photo out of my mind.
Things you women go through, wow.
You nailed this one! Thanks for making me feeling like I'm not alone!
I'm SO looking forward to my next appointment!
NOT!
I wish i was a gyno so that i could commend you on your fine vagina-scaping skills. I'm just a weirdo so hope that carries some weight too. Kudos hot mama!
"Yes, this does mean that you're giving head for the next two days.."
i will be using this line at some point in the near future. I'm thinking a cup would be mandatory though, just to defend against the knee or kick...
Hey thanks for the great tips!!...and to think I tried to do all the prep in one day...
The things I learn from you Danigirl... the things I learn.
Hmmm, now that I'm 40 and have to get a rectal exam every year, what do I need to do to prepare? I don't think I'm flexible enough for all that grooming.
Damn dani you go to all of that trouble for the gyno? God knows he's seen enough. On the other hand maybe he just got through with a 300 pounder and a well groomed vagina just may be what he needs.
I love your blog!! A while back, I too started a series about Moms I love to hate... But I doubt I'll blog about them anymore, your posts really do say everything I want to. LOVE IT!
I've linked you up on my blogroll (hope that's OK) and hope I can make it to yours one day.
Cheers!
ROFL...does that mean you ladies are a little self consious when it comes to that? (please don't hurt me!) like sure ok the hygeine side of things yes you want but to go to lengths trimming it heaps...honestly, if it wasn't natural it wouldn't grow..the only thing hair wise which isn't natural is a monobrow (gets out the tweezers)
I have a better idea. Clean normally, go to work, see the gyno after work at your appt., smell if it smells and care not, because I'm paying an arm and a leg for the visit anyway. Too bad on her if it smells crummy!
You sound dainty.
ROFLMAO!!! Did you remember to remind us not to douche either? It washes out normal vaginal bacteria. Also i'm gung-ho on the cleanliness, who'd wanna be a gyno & go down on a smelly t***?
I am always shaved as the hair grosses me out. My guy too. I think its great as I don't think its fair to have to dig through the jungle to get the banana. This was a great post. Very funny as usual.
I meant to say that I have a gyno friend and she said you wouldn't believe how many girls come in stinking. Shocking I think. I would think everyone would come in smelling as you say "like flowers". I guess not.
That seems like a lot of work but we do want to have that just fresh feeling down there...I started waxing it all off because that graying carpet down below didn't match the dyed red drapes
That is a lot of prep work - I'll agree with you there. Yikes. It sounds like all of your female readers agree with you and are not looking forward to their next annual.
May I suggest laser hair removal? It's awesome; I only wish I had done it sooner. You know, for all those "spur of the moment" gyno appts! Heh.
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