sQ7PnCfVGQRQ86uwkQNC7eB-VIc This Ain't No Effin Mom blog: My Rock Star Diary part 4

My Rock Star Diary part 4

Part 4,

TWENTY EIGHT.....................

TWENTY NINE.......................

THIRTY.................................

Now, one breath and two breaths......

We all stood aside as I hooked up the ADT.....
"He's in normal sinus rhythm!" I yelled.

It's always amazing when you save some one's life.
I stepped out into the hall of the busy hospital that I work for. Hot and a tad bit sweaty, I reflected a bit.

How did I get this far? How is it that I play God when just 15 years ago, I didn't believe a God even existed.

What an awesome day!
Not only did I have a "save" but it's my son's birthday too.
The date: 12/12. What amazing numbers, and so similar to my own.
I have so much stuff to do when I get home today.
There are very few benefits to working the night shift, one of them being..you're able to spend your day with your loved ones, or in my case, my loved one.
I wonder what he wants to do today? I wonder what's on his list of things that he wants? A big birthday cake, kind of like the home made ones I used to make when he was little...

"Little....."

It seems like it was just yesterday that I was just having him.....

"What's your name hon?"
"Dani"
"Dani, are you alone?"
"Ughhhhhh.......gritting through my teeth.......yes.."
" Hon...how old are you"? The maternity nurse asked.
"15."
" Where are your parents?" she asked.
"Parents?" I replied...
" Please, make the pain stop."..I begged....
" Hon, we need a consent to treat you.."
"What the Fuck.....uughhhhhh....is a consent........?"
I yelled..
" Permission", she replied.
"Fuck your permission" I screamed...
" I'm emancipated...!!!!
................................Congratulations! The maternity nurse (Gina) yelled....................
....It's a boy!...................................................

Great, I thought.... a fucking boy.....
A fucking boy that I don't want.... A fucking boy that I can't care for...
A baby.....????
As I peered at the little mashed in ugly face..
What the fuck am I supposed to do with you, I asked him, as if he was gonna answer me or something.....
The latter months of this stupid pregnancy I debated adoption. I just never stayed in one place long enough to even make a decision like that...
I can't run anymore huh?
I came up with this very false plan..that I was going to find a home, a family, and have them take care of him....
I have no goal..
never did and never will...
Why should I change now? Because I got this thing to take home with me? But where is home?

Click Here for the Moms that I cant stand series..

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